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I don't know about you, but I spend most of my waking hours either at the office or on my way there. That makes it hard to find a boyfriend, since they typically aren't stocked in the supply closet. Enter the old office romance, which can either be a positive experience or end with a car chase through the parking garage.
Since I currently have my eye on someone in another department, it's probably a good time to review the do's and don'ts of workplace dating.
DON'T be afraid to take your relationship into the real world, because eating together in the breakroom doesn't count as a date. Romance isn't often found within 10 feet of a vending machine and a unisex bathroom.
DO get to know each other before you doodle his last name all over your desk planner. I suggest riding to work together because carpooling saves gas, you can you use the coveted HOV lane and you'll learn pretty quickly if he does anything annoying, like using his arm as a seatbelt, thwacking you in the chest every time he slams on the brakes.
DON'T be a cliché or put yourself in any situations you've seen in a romantic comedy. If you're a lawyer, don't go for your secretary. If you're a nurse, don't date a doctor. And if you're a veterinarian, you're out of luck. Most important, DON'T EVER date your boss. The person who determines your Christmas bonus shouldn't be your boyfriend. If you are the boss, DON'T date your subordinates. You're the one who makes the office org chart, so keep your hands off anyone whose name is written in the boxes on the bottom rows.
DON'T do anything, um, physical at work. It's hard to get those smudges off the copy machine and people start to get suspicious if both of you need extra manila folders every day -- or perhaps several times a day -- at exactly the same time. Also, there are cameras in the elevators. Or so I've heard.
DON'T document anything in e-mail, just in case someone in the IT department decides to hold it over your head after you tell him no, you're definitely not interested in being his Viking princess at some comic convention, even though he already made you a furry hat.
And if you're the guy I like, the one currently un-jamming the copier, DO call me later.
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我不知道你是怎样的，但我生命中睁开眼睛的时间绝大部分都花在了办公室或者去办公室的路上。这使我很难找到男朋友，因为他们可不像那些摆在壁柜里的茶点食物，可以供你取用。回到老套的办公室恋情，这既可能是一次愉快的体验，也可能随着停车场的一番汽车追逐而结束。
既然我现在把目光落在其它部门的同事身上，是时候重新审视一下工作场所约会的注意事项了。
别害怕在真实生活中发展你们的关系，因为在休息室一起吃饭是不能看作一次约会的。恋情通常不会发生在离自动贩卖机或男女通用的洗手间10英尺以内的地方。
你在整个工作计划手册上乱写他的名字之前，要努力去了解彼此。我建议可以一起开车上班，因为共用汽车可以省油，还可以使用诱人的共用车道，并且你可以很快清楚的知道他是否有一些讨厌的习惯，比如用他的胳膊当安全带，每次猛踩刹车时都重重的拍在你的胸口。
不要做一个因循守旧的人，或者让自己看起来身处喜剧性的浪漫场合。如果你是律师，不要约会你的秘书，如果你是护士，不要约会医生。如果你是一个兽医，那你的运气可真不佳。最重要的，永远别约会你的老板。能够决定你的圣诞节奖金的人不应该成为你的男友。如果你是老板，不要约会你的下属。你是能够决定办公室人事架构的人，因此不要染指人事架构图上那些名字排在你下面一行的人。
工作上不要做任何，嗯，身体上的接触。很难把复印机的污迹弄干净。如果你们俩每天总是同时需要额外拿牛皮纸文件袋，甚至一天发生好几次这种事，大家就会开始怀疑了。
不要在电子邮件中提到任何事情，因为有时IT部门的某个人可能会决定保留这些记录，即使你已经告诉他不用保留，他也可能把你的话抛到脑后。你干脆不要起心在一些动漫大会上扮他的海盗女王，哪怕他已经为你做好了一顶皮帽。
另外，如果你正是我中意的那位，现在应该正在解决复印机卡纸的问题，请稍后给我电话。 |
